Yesterday was a really good day for so many reasons, including that I kind of laid bare a lot of things I'm going to have to work through in order to be in a healthy place for our next pregnancy. I hope I didn't give anyone the impression that I don't want to birth at home---this is actually my greatest wish. In order to do it, though, I think I'm going to have to really confront those things I discussed yesterday.
I have been reflecting on all of it some more and I think at the core of a lot of my fears is this. If I plan a home birth in Austin and we end up transporting because I am overwhelmed with the intensity of labor, I will likely be sectioned. Maybe. Or maybe the hospital in which I delivered E would be a little more open to "allowing" me to continue laboring--with pain relief--as long as me and baby looked good. Of course, I know my rights and can refuse to consent to a cesarean. But I'm just not sure if I would have the strength for a fight (if it came to that) and I wouldn't really want to put K and B in an awkward position with the staff in the L&D ward since they have such a good working relationship with them. On the other hand, if I opt for an out of town hospital birth, I will be in a place where I can get pain relief if I get to a place where I feel it is unmanageable for me. Obviously, having a natural birth is a priority for me. But an even higher priority is a vaginal birth. I would take a VBA2C with an epidural over a repeat cesarean any day of the week and twice on Sunday. But what if I then choose pain relief when I could have worked through it with other coping techniques simply because I knew the pain relief was available?
I guess it comes down to this. I don't want to be in a position where I have a RCS simply because I feel that I need pain relief and I opted for a home birth instead of planning an out of town birth. There. I said it.
Now, someone, solve this problem for me stat!!! Wait, what's that you say? I have to do this on my own?!? Well, I did say this was going to suck sometimes.
I think home births are wonderful! That being said, I know that part of what made a VBAC possible for me was that I was in a hospital. Given the somewhat traumatic nature of my first birth and general nervousness that can accompany people facing the unknown, I felt very relaxed in the hospital with my doula and husband, knowing that I would be taken care of in the event of an emergency. As much as I would have loved to have a homebirth, I know that wasn't a possibility for us and I'm glad we didn't try one. That is just what worked for us, but I thought I would share.
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