Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going

Saturday, April 23, 2011

I just checked my cervix

And I'm now slightly in shock that babies come out of there.  Of course that could be because mine is firm, high and closed....I think. I wish I had K and B here to check it and confirm.  As it was, I was squatting over my copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility with one hand up my vag and the other feeling my nose to confirm its firmness.  It was pretty awesomely awk.

My Mayan abdominal massage is tomorrow and I'm so excited.  I mentioned my varicosities that were discovered during E's cesarean as well as that bump along the left side of my scar, so I hope we can address those tomorrow.

I have a lot on my mind in terms of fears that will need to be addressed before I go into my next pregnancy that I'm anxious to start fleshing out over the next few months.  I feel like I want to just write down every thing, big or small, that concerns me so I can get it out of me and maybe get feedback and support (or at the very least just vent about it). Sometimes I wish I could be this totally confident, fearless woman that just knew what the right thing was and did it--at peace and with no worries, but I'm not.  And I hate feeling or being vulnerable, so this is a pretty uncomfortable place for me to be.  I wish I could study my way to an HBA2C....I'm really good at studying, not so much at just feeling and being, so I've got a lot of work to do.


  1. I love it! I have been checking my cervix since before we conceived Muffin! I love knowing MY body, and the amazing things it does! I really believe that knowing about my cervix and fertility helped me conceive both of these last two babies! Before we had birth control in the picture, this kind of knowledge was passed along from generation to generation, woman to woman. I wonder when it all stopped? Who wouldn't want to know how to conceive/prevent conception if they could?

  2. I am SO into this!!! It is really the coolest thing. I was kind of scared to before, not really sure I would be feeling the right thing or worried that my fingers might not be long enough, but then I'm sure mine are longer than B's :) So I just gave it a go while looking in my book and I'm 99% sure I am feeling the right thing! I am still not 100% on telling if it's posterior or what, but I can tell that it's closed for sure!!! Maybe next birth I can give myself cervical exams ;)