Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'm doing it for my daughters

Part of the reason I even care so darn much about having a vaginal birth is that one day, I hope to have a daughter (come on, Jason, hit me with an XX next time!!!).  Even if I don't, I will (most likely) have one or more daughters in law in the future.  And I want them to know they can do it.

Sometimes, a CP will ask you if your mother (and/or grandmother) had vaginal births.  I used to smugly answer this question yes, automatically assuming this meant I would have one too.  My mother had 2 drug free births with me and my older brother and a vaginal, although with some medical interventions due to a higher risk pregnancy and delivery, with my youngest brother.  If I never have a vaginal birth, my daughter will have to answer this question "Well, no, but my grandmother did."   Then, what if she has a daughter and for some reason, has cesarean(s)?  Then her daughter, my granddaughter, will have to answer no to both questions. She may feel (or be made to feel) like she just wasn't destined to birth normally. And that would break my heart.

While part of me worries that it will play out this way if I never have a vaginal birth, part of me thinks that maybe precisely because I have scars, my children won't.  Maybe, even if I never get my VBAC, my hypothetical daughters will grow up hearing stories from the community of women I am surrounding myself with about women who did after one, two, three or more cesareans.  And maybe they will learn from the decisions I made that led to my first scar and not make the same mistakes I did.  Even outside the arena of birth, isn't that what we as parents want for our children?  Maybe she will look at how I never gave up, even if it never ends the way it does in my dreams, and know that no one can ever limit her to their idea of what birth should be like.

And maybe, just maybe, she will get to answer the question with, "My mother had two cesareans and then a home birth."  That would kick So. Much. Ass.


  1. This post has a special meaning for mom and her mom both had cesareans and didn't breastfeed (my mom thinks it's gross). It makes me so happy to "break the cycle" and show my daughters a different way of doing things. I didn't have much support in my choices, given my family's history, but it has been well worth it.

  2. J, that is amazing and really makes my heart so happy. I'm so glad you were able to achieve all you did, especially without having the support of all your family. Your daughters are so lucky to have you as a mom! <3