Massage Envy

I had my Mayan Abdominal Massage yesterday and it was really good. The therapist was a former midwife and, well, everyone knows how I feel about midwives.  I'm beginning to think that all midwives--or maybe just the good ones--are soul seers.  Before the massage, we spent a little time talking about my labor and especially the sensation I experienced that caused me to tell K that my uterus was tearing.  In case you were wondering, "tearing" is a four letter word in an HBAC.  You just bought yourself a hospital transfer with that one. But I digress....

I filled out an intake form beforehand that covered my medical history as well as some more emotional issues.  One of the questions was about my fear level on a scale of 1-10.  I gave myself a 6.  Look, I'm going to keep it real with everyone here.  I tend to worry--not a little, but a lot.  I'm a person who has a persistent and very active fear of my kids drowning in an ocean or some other deep natural body of water.  Did I mention we live in Austin, TX?!?  But that doesn't stop me from worrying about it.  I think I need therapy.

Anyway, I'm digressing again.  So, M asked me questions about my labor, the moment when I freaked and what exactly I felt, and then asked me if I tended to be a person who worries a lot.  I think she used the word "hypochondriac" in one of her questions.  I prefer to think of myself as having a healthy respect for Western medicine.  Says the girl who is now massaging my scar tissue away and considering acupuncture to maintain healthy blood pressures.  But anyway, yeah, I have fear, I'm not going to lie.  I'm choosing HBA2C because I think it is the safest choice I could make out of all of my alternatives--my alternatives being a 3rd cesarean or an H/VBA2C.  But that doesn't mean I am burying my head in the sand and pretending that it is risk free--I'm just betting on the fact that the odds are in my favor.  I feel kind of bad because I think I gave her the impression that I might rather choose a hospital birth.  She did tell me if I wasn't comfortable at home, I should birth in a hospital.  I told her that wasn't really an option in Austin hospitals, but I hope I also conveyed that I'm not scared of birthing at home--I would worry if I chose an elective 3rd cesarean as well.  If some decision has risks, I'm going to worry about them regardless.  Again, I think I need therapy.  Maybe K and B will give me preconception counseling.

She asked a little about the varicosities that were discovered and I think she was a bit skeptical.  Not skeptical in a didn't believe me kind of way--wait, isn't that what skeptical means? Give me a break, it's 1AM and I am trying to write this now while the boys sleep.  Anyway, she had just never heard of it, which doesn't surprise me because neither had B until she put out the email on the ICAN list.  She did tell me that generally you shouldn't massage varicosities, and we didn't really massage my scar so much as do some sliding of the abdomen above my pubic bone.

Anyway, so the actual massage.  There was a lot of focus on my entire abdomen as opposed to just focusing on my scar area which was really nice. My stomach was gurgling the entire time and she told me that meant she was doing her job right.  I asked her about the bump on the left side of my scar line and she agreed that it was probably scar tissue.  She also did some work on my back, around the sacrum.  I forgot exactly why, but there was something about some nerve endings and some such.  While we were doing it, I was visualizing my body healing even more, getting stronger, all my organs going back where they are supposed to be and adhesions and scar tissue breaking up.  I think I'm going to do some art here coming up pretty soon.  I will openly admit to having scoffed at that part of Birthing From Within, but the further down this path I'm going, the less crazy it seems.  I think it might do me a lot of good to start visualizing what I would like my reality to be and the art could be a physical manifestation of my visualizations.

We wrapped up a little earlier than the 2 hours we had booked.  I think this is because Jason and E were there thanks to Jason forgetting his wallet and me not wanting him to drive around and possibly get stopped with no ID--you can take the active out of a girl's law license, but you can't....wait, I'm not sure that one works.  Anyway, I think she would have preferred it were just me and her and it will be for our next appointment.  That's right, I'm going back in a month.  And I have homework in the meantime.  Every day, I will have to perform the massage on myself and three times a week I'm doing castor oil packs.  She told me she will be able to tell if I didn't do it and I think I would be in big trouble if I don't--but I will, trust me.  She was small, but I think she could take me.  Just kidding.  I just have this compulsion to do things that are presented as assignments.  Maybe I really do need therapy.

Oh, and she mentioned she does some work that can help with my tendency to worry.  I'm so into that.  She showed me one move that involved holding your thumb with your opposite hand....I think we might need to spend a little more time with that one in the future, but we've got plenty of that.