Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going

Friday, April 8, 2011

Growing Pains

I'm convinced both of my births have greatly shaped who I am as a person today.  For some people, having a baby is just that...they have a baby, it's wonderful, but the birth doesn't really change them.  Both of mine completely reformed who I was as a person at both those times in my life and afforded room for great personal growth.  But growing sucks sometimes.

Part of what gives my births meaning--aside from the two awesome kiddos I got out of them and the great experiences they were for me personally--is being able to share what I learned with some of my friends who have not yet had children, or who are pregnant but have not yet given birth.  But I am really struggling--I mean struggling--to share what I've learned and not feel upset when I feel it's totally ignored.  Particularly, I'm talking about the induction issue.  I know, I know, I know every woman is going to do what they are going to do after discussion with their doctors and deciding what is best for them, but it is so so so hard for me to hear story after story of my friends going in for inductions when I know what happened after my own.  I guess it just makes me feel like what I'm saying is not valued?  And I know it's nothing personal, and I am sure my doulas felt the exact same way about me when I told them about my own induction with A 3 years ago, but I am really just struggling with this right now.

Maybe these are really all just learning experiences for me.  Maybe each time I hear about an (elective) induction, it is the Universe's way of saying "OK, gently share your experience and what you've learned, but then we are going to practice letting go and moving on."  Because really what else can I do?!

I think I need to meditate.

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