Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Massage Tomorrow!

I am so excited I get to go back and see M again tomorrow for a follow up on my first Mayan abdominal massage.  My appointment is at 6:30 in the evening and I am going alone this time, so it will really give me a chance to relax and just focus on my body.  I try to take the 5-15 minutes (depending on whether I am doing a castor oil pack as well) a day that I do my massage to really check in with myself and how I'm feeling.  It's really weird because I feel connected to my scar in a way I never did after A's birth.  I'm spending so much time and energy focused on it--this is beyond corny, but I talk to it (in my head, not out loud...that would just be crazy!) and tell it how strong it is, how well it's healing, how I'm so amazed at how resilient it is and how proud I am of it for holding up so well during E's labor and how I know it will do the same for T.  What's that you say? I've lost my marbles??! That's quite possible, but I figure it can't hurt and if I speak it enough, it will be my truth.

I also plan to talk to M about doing some work on anxiety and fear.  I figure it can't hurt to try a lot of different methods for reducing my anxiety--not just about the birth, but my anxiety level in general, which tends to be high.  I would really like to improve that about myself, and I'm open to as many different techniques as I can try.

So, anyway, that's what I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I can't wait to see if she can feel improvement--I'm not sure how she measures this, but I have noticed that the bump along the side of my scar has all but disappeared.  I'm not sure if it was the massage or if it just resolved itself, but I'm happy either way and it really makes me feel like I'm doing something positive and constructive towards my goal.

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