Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going

Monday, May 16, 2011

I have a dream....

That one day, one of my babies will come out of my vagina.  I hold this truth to be self evident....

No. Just kidding.  But yesternight, I had the weirdest dream, and I am wondering if any of you out there might be dream interpreters and can tell me what it means.  It was a dream about the birth of T.  You know, the baby I am not even pregnant with yet.  Yeah, not weird at all.

So, anyway, the dream starts with me having broken water and B transferring me to the hospital because contractions don't start.  Well, that's not right, because that's not what happened in real life with E. Anyway, that's what she did in the dream.  We get to the hospital--except I'm all alone there, as B didn't transport with me--and the nurses immediately start me on Pitocin.  WTF?!? After just a short time on the Pit drip, they recommend a cesarean.  I'm on my game this time--and apparently having a painless birth--so I say no thank you, disconnect myself from the Pit and proceed to leave the hospital.  Which just happens to be in the middle of a large mall.  Like Mall of America large.  Which would pretty much be my nightmare location, birthing or not.  My sphincters would be locked tight as all get out there, let's just be honest.

Anyway, I run back into B, who I am apparently furious with, and who also just happens to have her two kids with her.  I tell her that I'm not speaking to her after this baby is born.  Aw, sad face.  I love her!  But not in this dream I don't.  So, anyway, she tells me that she didn't have a choice--she has to maintain a good relationship with the hospital, and that we really needed to get the baby born or the staff could call CPS on me and I could be charged with reckless endangerment.  Double WTF?!?! So, anyway, we head into a disgusting public Mall of America like bathroom, that has overflowing toilet water all over the floor.  I am thinking "Surely, she does not expect me to birth my baby here."  She did, however, want to give me a cervical check.  So she checks me and I'm 10 cm.  What in the world?!?! I have had NO pain at all this entire time, and I am complete!! My wildest dreams have come true.  Except that B keeps reminding me that I'm on some sort of clock and I really need to get to birthing this baby.  So, in the middle of that nasty bathroom, she gives me a ridiculous amount of castor oil.  I mean, it was like 5 mouthfuls.  It wasn't disgusting, but that bathroom was, so we decide to start walking around the mall to try to get me to have the baby.  So, we are walking and not talking--except for me randomly telling B that I'm never speaking to her again, I can't believe she is doing this to me, how could she put me under all this pressure, etc etc. Then, she tells me that I'm not making any progress and even if I don't have the urge, I need to try to push. So, we get into a deep squatting position and I start to try to push the baby out.  Nothing.  Not even what you would expect to come out after ingesting a large amount of castor oil.

I start begging to go back to the hospital for just a little more Pitocin.  We get there and I'm told they won't give me Pit because I'm a VBAC.  Triple WTF?!? You just gave me Pitocin earlier in my dream that somehow magically and painlessly got me to complete and now you won't give me just a little more to help me push my baby out?  Alas, they wouldn't, and B kept reiterating that we couldn't leave (the mall) until I had my baby. The dream ended with me again in a deep squat, pushing despite having no urge to, and without any signs of the baby coming out.

So, wise women, what in the world does all this mean?  Why was I so upset with B? And why did she act the way she did in the dream?!? She would never act that way in real life.  What is my subconscious trying to tell me? Am I going to have a painless birth next time? I can get behind that! But I really would like to push my baby out at the end, thankyouverymuch.

But I think the most important question that needs answering is this.....where the **** was K?!?!?


  1. awesome dream. no idea about what it might mean. but its super cool! now im probably going to have a birth dream because of you! Where was K? hmmm... lol dirty mall bathroom with overflowing toilet water. hahahaha. my worst nightmare!!

  2. HAHA! I know, right??! I think the bathroom was the most horrifying part of the dream!!! I couldn't believe how mad I was at B too! I think I woke up angry with her for a hot second until I realized that I was not, in fact, pregnant and/or in labor and she hadn't thrown me on the mercy of a Mall of America hospital HAHA!!! It was nuts!

    If you do have a crazy dream like this, you must share!

  3. And if you know me, you'd know I would definitely completely abandon you before setting foot in a dirty mall bathroom (says the midwife who had been known for letting her kids pee in the grass in public places due to her public bathroom phobia). And seriously, where was K? And why does your subconscious suddenly hate me?

  4. Haha ok I promise not to labor, at any point, in a nasty public bathroom as long as you promise not to emotionally abandon me. Which, of course, you would never do. I'm putting my subconscious in time out.

    But did you notice what wasn't in my dream??? No "my uterus is ****ing" talk. And my subconscious is open to the idea of a painless birth. Plus ten!!!

  5. You're a great story teller! I can't believe you could remember that much of your dream and that (in an Alice in Wonderland sort of way) it makes SENSE.

  6. Thank you! I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it means :) My favorite part, I have to admit, is the painless labor. I guess I really took Orgasmic Birth to heart :)