Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going

Monday, May 30, 2011

Please follow me on WordPress...

Blogger is just having way too many issues. I still can't comment on old posts and I am really worried about losing posts (although I have started importing posts right after I write them).  So, I'm going to start posting over there exclusively.  I will leave this as my last post so anyone who comes here can know I've moved.

So, without further ado, let's move on over here

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Blogger Sucks

But, C, your comment on my post about a possible 2CBAC was just what I needed. I adore you. <3

Sex drive, is that you?

I can't believe it. After almost a year in hiding, it appears my sex drive is trying to make a comeback.  I felt an almost forgotten tingling in my nether regions last night.  At first, I thought maybe I had pulled a groin muscle or was maybe having a muscle spasm or something, but then I realized it know.  That.  I was beginning to wonder if my thyroid (is this what controls libido?!) went completely haywire at some point after conceiving E, but it appears it is back on the mend.  Whoo hoo!!!

I am not telling J about this recent development until 6 months when I will remove my figurative chastity belt and go buck wild (with my VCF and spermicide, of course...unless I can find something better in the meantime). Serves him right for not reading my blog.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Just as good the third time around?

My dear friend C shared this blog post with me earlier this week, thinking it might be of interest to me.  How my friends know me so well.  She found it really interesting that this woman, who had a great birth, was scared to try again, while so many of us who didn't have a great experience with our births are anxious to try again and "get it right."

What's funny is that as soon as I read this piece, I realized I have a lot of the same fears about our next birth.  Which is weird, right, because this lady had the kind of birth I dream about, and might think a cesarean would be a birth she'd dread.  But, for me, my CBAC was so powerful and amazing, I worry that the next one, if I wind up with a 2CBAC, won't be as amazing as E's was.  How strange to find this kind of "I get it" connection with a woman who had a vaginal birth.  To tell the truth, I worry that I'm putting so much time and effort into working through all of my fears, going deeper into myself than I ever thought I would, getting all these Mayan abdominal massages. etc--if I wind up on the operating table again, will I feel like I failed? I certainly have none of those feelings about E's birth, but what if I'm not as lucky next time?

I really feel like I got the birth I needed with E--had I had my HBAC, I might have been stuck in the mindset that I was during my labor, being fearful and untrusting of all OBs and hospital births.  I learned a lot about the different types of care a woman can get and that, yes, there are in fact, compassionate doctors and nurses out there who care about their patient's experience, great hospitals that encourage breastfeeding and will help moms work it out.  I don't feel like I need to learn that lesson again.  I feel like the lesson I need to learn next is about overcoming myself, going primal and getting done what I need to get done to birth my baby. Preferably vaginally, pleaseandthankyou.  So, I'm going to keep it real and say that I do worry that I won't bounce back as quickly emotionally as I did with E if I have a cesarean birth again.

I'm sure I can cry all over B and K about this over the next couple of years.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I am so almost done with Blogger

Again, I cannot reply to comments on today's post....

Just a reminder, I'm also on wordpress here.

And C, you are not a slacker! I'm just lucky that B is so well versed in homeopathy and can get me on a regime early that can help with these issues I know I have. Plus, you don't have any issues with varicosities or BP, so you're good ;)  I definitely suggest looking into the flower essences. I seriously have noticed that I am a lot more relaxed.  Like I said, I'm not sure if it works because it actually works or because I expect it to work, but either way, I'm happy! :)


So, I thought I would log here the various supplements I'm taking just in case anyone who is reading struggles with the same issues I do.  So if you're a nervous Nelly who tends to have a higher baseline blood pressure and also deals with varicose veins, some of these might help.

Cayenne (pill)
Garlic (pill)
One dropper of nerve tonic with Cherry Plum and Aspen flower essences
White Oak Bark (liquid tincture)
Butcher's Broom (liquid tincture)

Nerve tonic

Nerve tonic
White Oak Bark
Butcher's Broom

I may tweak some of these when I get pregnant again.  For example. my BP was really great without any supplementation up until the last couple weeks when we had to introduce some tinctures, so if it is the same way, I may eliminate the cayenne and garlic.  Plus, I imagine the cayenne would give me a heck of a lot of heartburn, which I have dealt with in both pregnancies.   Ick! I may also increase the Butcher's Broom and White Oak Bark (for varicosities) to three times a day.  I will probably also add some Floradix in there too just to be sure I am good on iron, especially since I'm a vegetarian.

And I may OD on nerve tonic.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Right on Target

Today as I was checking out at Target, a mom asked me what kind of wrap I had and where I got it.  She was looking for something more lightweight for summer.  You know where this is going, right?  Of course, we started talking about our births and turns out, she was a cesarean mom too.  I just love when the Universe brings me into contact with all these lovely women. I asked her if she had heard of ICAN and we talked briefly about the group and our monthly meetings.  I gave her the ICAN brochures and business cards I keep stocked in my diaper bag for occasions just like this as well as K's business card and brochure.  Call me biased, but I just don't think a VBAC mom can do better than my girls, so I always pass on their info (to everyone, but most especially VBAC moms).  It is also a good way to introduce the idea of HBAC to moms who may not otherwise be aware that it is an option.  I can tell this mom was receptive and interested in learning more about our group and coming to monthly meetings--I hope to see her in June!  She is also relatively new to Austin, so ICAN would be a great way for her to start connecting with like-minded families.

You know, I have mentioned time and time again what a blessing my births have been to me and how they've brought wonderful new people into my life, but another way in which they have impacted me is by making me more outgoing.  I tend to be introverted, and when I was young, it was pretty paralyzing.  My mother put me in acting classes to help with it, but I still had to work really, really hard to engage people that I didn't know (and even some that I did!).  I still have this tendency, but seriously, when it comes time to talk about birth or VBAC or ICAN or anything related to these things, it is like a light goes off in my head and I am a different person.  If you had told me five years ago that I would be going up to random people just because I heard the word "cesarean" and interjecting myself into conversation, exchanging contact information and connecting like this, I would have called you crazy.  But it's happened and, for the most part, it's really nice.